1. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
2. Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
3. I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
4. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . .I want to achieve it through not dying.
5. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
6. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
7. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
8. Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
9. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
10. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
11. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
12. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
13. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend.
14. Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic ...
15. Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
16. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
17. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
18. The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
19. The only way to be happy is to love to suffer.
20. 'To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.