Monday, July 31, 2006

29/7 at PP
An unusual day. I woke up at 5 something in the afternoon, and started writing. I put off my plans of seeing a film with Sam, well for two purposes - slowing things down and to focus on my work. I wrote very smoothly and everything has started coming into shapes. I finished my work at around 1 something (AM!), then I headed for PP, with a mind still filled with the ideas and thoughts I was writing about in front of my laptop. Drinking and smoking - and eating dim sum. It's already nearly 6am. When I was on my way to go to 7-11 to buy a pack of Kent M3, I suddenly recalled what Shirley Kwan said in her concert video footage - "What about now?"
I thought of the meaning of what she said for a while. And I sighed.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A new film by the director of Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind.

The Science of Sleep:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/warner_independent_pictures/thescienceofsleep/med.html
I finally saw 鬼域 tonight. Sigh... I heard mixed reviews from some people around me, so I decided to give it a try. My comments? It has made the common mistakes that almost 90% of the Hong Kong (crap) films do - the director does not know how to tell a story: 說故事說不好. Acclaimed directors such as Wong Kar-wai and Stanley Kwan also have this problem. Most of the HK films only have a storyline, or even a concept, meaning they know what and when to start and what and when to end. Yet, what is between the opening and the ending is total emptiness. 2046: going to the future is exactly going back to the past; 桃色: mixing the human world with the ghost world and present the blend from the perspective of pornography, or seductiveness; Isabella: knowing a mature man by breaking the incest taboo. The concepts are all fabulous. Yet, remember, audiences do not just watch the first and last 10 mins of the movie. We need to stay in the cinema all the way through. I felt very uneasy when wacthing 鬼域. Reasons are as follows:
1. 李心潔 is a poor actress. Her acting simply slows down the pace of the whole film. She talks too slowly, with too much heart in every single line. She is reading the dialogues, yes, but the character does not speak at all;
2. Poor editing. In the abandoned world, most of the setting change are done by fading out, which means there is really no connection between them and the directors do not know how to transit from one scene to another;
3. Poor dialogues. If you rewatch the whole film again, you will realize 90% of the dialogues in the film are rubbish. They do not push the plot further. 劉兆銘 has asked 李心潔 to leave the abandoned world because it is dangerous for her. He requested as many times as 李心潔 repeatedly mentioned that she did not know how to leave AT ALL. But they still dragged on. 李心潔's daughter has declared twice they have reached the 'transit' in order to let 李心潔 go back to the human world. So, where exactly is the transit?
4. Lack of depth in characterisation. The only key characters in the film are 李心潔 and her daughter. The others... I am sorry. They should be eliminated from the editing room;
5. No Plot. I have troubles following the scenes after 李心潔 has taken the elevator to the ground floor. There are scenes after scenes fully decorated with digitalised visual effects, but why those scenes? I have seen enough of 李心潔's frustration in those scenes. I am, however, more frustrated than her. There are at least 30 mins in the film with no storyline, but just visual effects bombarding the audiences.

The climax (that the little girl is 李心潔's daughter) doesn't work for me. It's too obvious. The anti-climax works a bit. Pang brothers are too aggressive to imitate M. Night Shyamalan. Those who say 鬼域 can be compared to The Sixth Sense, The Unbreakable, Signs or even The Village, please read the scripts of these four movies and read the script of 鬼域 . I believe the script of 鬼域 does not have more than 25 A4 pages.

I have questions though:
1. I understand the things we abandon in this world will go to the abandoned world. The so-called 鬼域 , a dimension of ghosts, is just a dimension of things that we leave behind. Then, why would these things be recycled and suddenly disappear and be turned into ashes?
2. If the dimension is merely about abandoned things, including ghosts, or dead people who have no one to worship them, why are there walking spirits on the bridge and hanging zombies on the trees? How are they abandoned? Is it really Hell or a world of abandonment?
3. There seems to be two 李心潔s in the film - a fictional character and the writer 李心潔. If the happenings in the abandoned world are written by the author, why would the non-existing fictional character wake up in the bed of the real author and they can both each other?

P.S. please don't use 繾綣 anymore. It has been a cliche. Yes it was cool when 周禮茂 used these two chinese words to write a song for Shirley Kwan. But it was in 1992. I can't believe 14 years later, there are still people thinking that this term is romantic.
________________________________________________________________

Recently, I have absolutely no mood for anything. Writing: bad; volleyball: bad; pool/snooker: bad; communication: bad; sleeping: bad; tuition: bad; organization: bad; creativity: bad; temper: bad; singing: bad. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

All I do these days now is like 鄭秀文 in 我左眼見到鬼: "eating, drinking, sleeping and watching TV"

Today I decided to go out: wanting to eat at HO HUNG GEI, but I needed to share a table with two other men (who also came separately). I looked at their eyes. Weird change of gazes. At that point, I realized that people who eat out alone have strange looks. Then I went to GUM潮. I jumped into Joseph and Alpha (my two ex-students). They ate with me and then I convinced them to see the movie with me (even though I bought a ticket for myself already beforehand in UA Time Square - Seat I 2). We went to play snooker after the film. When I was having my most lonely times, there are always my ex-students with me. Is it a sign that I should go back to teach? I know I won't. Please don't make me do.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

To Jason:
The quote is from an interview done by James O'Higgins titled "Sexual Choice, Sexyal Act"

J.O'H: I'm reminded of Cassanova's famous expression that "the best moment in life is when one is climbing the stairs." One can hardly imagine a homosexual today making such a remark.
M.F.: Exactly. Rather, he would say something like: "the best moment of love is when the lover leaves in the taxi."

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

  1. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  2. Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
  3. I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
  4. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . .I want to achieve it through not dying.
  5. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
  6. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  7. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
  8. Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
  9. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
  10. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
  11. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
  12. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  13. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend.
  14. Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic ...
  15. Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
  16. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
  17. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
  18. The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
  19. The only way to be happy is to love to suffer.
  20. 'To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

ASAP

Just now, I had a conversation with a friend on msn. I asked him if he's dating. Yes, he said. Then he asked me the same question. I answered, 'As single as possble.' Another asap.

I was trying to clear up the websites I bookmarked on my browser. I discovered my sister's blog. She wrote an entry on my grandma on the day she passed away, a very touching piece. I didn't prepare to cry today. I did, anyway.

I woke up at 3 today because I stayed up to watch the whole football match the previous night. Then I hurried back to the library and did my research. Going into the library when the sun was still there and coming out in complete darkness always gives me a romantic feeling. It also makes me feel that I have worked for a 'whole' day. Then I went to a bookstore to buy a copy of Superman Returns for my student on Wednesday's tuition. Honestly, I prefer not to do it anymore. Going to his home for lesson just reminds me of the days I worked in SJC. What the fuck.

I was trying to call up some friends for dinner, none of them was available. In fact, I just called two. I gave up then. I am not the kind of dine-out-for-five-days-a-week person. I seldom eat out with my friends now. In the past, I used to call Atom, Tommy Lo or Charles. Now, I don't anymore. I don't know why. I did try hard to figure out what to eat alone in Causeway Bay. I gave up again. I just went to Sogo and bought a Japanese ramen and some mircowave curry potato balls (I don't know what they are called) and went straight home to cook.

People say I have many friends. Very wrong. Whoever says this proves that s/he is not my friend. I spend 80% of a week's time alone (including my bed time). The remaining 20% goes to family and volleyball nights. Waking up every day, eating alone, thinking of what to eat alone, when to see a movie alone, buying vcds to watch alone, sunbathing alone, swimming alone, shopping alone. The world seems to constitute of many dimensions, in each of which only 1 person lives all by him/herself. Seriously speaking, my phone could not ring for days.

The other thing I hate people say about me is: 'you are 花心'. Someone said this last week. I deleted him from my msn at once. Charles said I over-reacted, which I could not deny. But I was pissed off. Saying things to me as if you were not is another ridiculous thing in the world, similar to the fact that I needed to pay HK$240 to apply for the non-means loan from the government (why do we need to pay money to loan for more money? Doesn't the act that we applying for money signify that we don't have any more money?). Another person on my msn said tonight: 'I don't think you want a long term relationship.' What can I say? I simply replied: 'fuck off.' Go on to stereotype me. Whatever. I was clearing up my friendster and msn these days, deleting people by a number of criteria. I don't need such people in my life anymore simply because they don't need me at the first place. Usual chit-chat and meaningless conversations nearly fill up most of our time. I just can't afford any. In fact, there isn't any in mine. Maybe I do really scare people away.

Friday, July 07, 2006

July

My missions in July:
  1. Stop spending money
  2. Stop spending money
  3. Stop spending money
  4. Stop spending money
  5. Stop spending money
  6. Stop spending money
  7. Stop spending money
  8. Stop spending money
  9. Stop spending money
  10. Write the new chapter for my thesis - Will Self's Cock and Bull, in relation to D&G (Deleuze and Guattari's deterritorialization and reterritorialization of desire) and Ovid's + Kafka's Metamorphosis.

Shit. I need to give tuition next week. I don't know what to teach at all. Sigh. I don't wanna go back to the secondary level. Crying~~

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

In response to Kerr's lastest xanga entry (I tried to leave a comment there. After I typed in everything, I realised I needed to have my own xanga account. Stupid):

As I always believe, Kerr, Time is never on time itself.

We, as human being, like other incidents, are always either (too) early or (too) late for the right moment of time, simply because time itself is never on time. Time, in this sense, is both the first and third agent to make things happen. For something to take place, an agent and an object are necessary; the time that comes on time is a catalyst and the ultimate circumstantial factor. That's why we have a thing called timing. Time, as an agent, is different from time, as a concept. How many times have we said that Nicholas is not really Nicholas, or Kerr is not acting like the Kerr I know. We, as beings, may act different from what we are supposed to have been. There is a presupposition and a verification - to be justified by the actions of the present in comparison with our memories of the past.

Time, in this way, will also deviate and misbehave.

Monday, July 03, 2006


She taught me how to play mahjong. What an elightener. She has always been adorable and worry-free, and will always be. In memory of her (1918-2006).

我過去那死黨早晚共對各也紮職以後沒法暢聚
而終於相約到但無言共對疏淡如水
日夜做見爸爸剛好想呻
卻霎眼看出他多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感 是從來未覺太內疚擔心
最心痛是 愛得太遲
有些心意 不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮 忙忙忙其實自私
夢中也習慣有壓力要我得知

最可怕是 愛需要及時只差一秒
心聲都已變歷史 忙極亦放肆
見我愛的見雙至 要抱要吻怎麼也好
偏要推說要等一下次

我也覺我體質仿似下降 看了症得到是別要太忙
而影碟都掃光但從來未看 因有事趕
日夜做儲的錢都應該夠 到聖誕正好講
跟我白頭 誰知她開了口 未能挨下去
己恨我很久

錯失太易 愛得太遲
我怎想到 她忍不到那日子
盲目地發奮 忙忙忙從來未知
幸福會掠過 再也沒法說鍾意

愛一個字 也需要及時只差一秒
心聲都己變歷史 為忙未放肆
見我愛見的雙至 要抱要吻要怎麼也好
不要相信一切有下次 相擁我所愛又花幾多秒
這幾秒 能夠做到又有多少 未算少
足夠遺憾忘掉 多少抱憾 多少過路人
太懂估計 卻不懂愛錫自身 人人在發奮
想起他朝都興奮 但今晚未過 你要過也很吸引

縱不信運 你不過是人 你想很遠愛於咫尺卻在等
來日別操心 趁你有能力開心
世界有太多東西發生 不要等到天上苦困