I know I should be sleeping right now. Yet, mid-night hunger and the tormenting heat between the blankets woke me up. I need rest; I've waken up not to. I will see the big boss today. Somehow, I feel like meeting godfather of the mafia. Not knowing what to do, but show your individualism and dedication to the cult. Not sure if they would make good use of me. I wish they would. Let's see how far my luck can be pushed.

These days, I realize that WORK has the following functions:

[1] It keeps you occupied, and makes you feel that time flies faster than it should be;

[2] It drains you out, so that you could sleep soundly (sure?) at night;

[3] It gives you a chance to accumulate some topics to talk to your friends at night;

[4] It keeps you busy and therefore gives you a label as a 'usuable', 'practical', 'meaningful' and 'functional' being.

My current part time job does not have much to do. Most of the day, I spend my hours at my desk working on the msn chatboxes and reading the papers I downloaded from Jstor for my research. People are nice, nicer than I expected. Maybe it's not yet time for competition. Still, I adopt a rather reclusive approach. Sometimes, I peep at my silenced phone. No one calls, no missing call. Then I go back to my 'work'. I have several smoking break per day, which could be the most liberating moments at work, I guess. Not that I long for a smoke, but that I could somehow stand within a space on the ground. It makes me feel more solid and existential.

The last semester will start in 2 weeks' time - probably the last semester I could have in the near future. What could I make best out of it. I certainly miss the people there. I regret not getting close to Esther Cheung, whom (I assume) I could talk a lot to. I regret not sitting in Abbas's classes when he's still here. Well, for Gina, she is nice, though she still has not read my stuff. Incredible. I also miss Jason and Tiffany, who are basically the most immediate comfort during these two years. I miss the library, my pigeon hole, the classrooms and the smoking areas.

差不多4:45am la, it's time for you to get up for work.

睡得好嗎? 有想起我嗎?

I had a nightmare about you, which woke me up.

記得吃點早餐, 空肚工作無益!

A LOVER’S EARLOBE (temporary draft)
by Nicholas Y.B. Wong (copyright)

Dedicated to Robbie

The head tilted slightly,
your left ear’s exposed
in the open air. A protest:
life’s too heavy, you exclaimed.
Removing part of your ear helped
relieve the weight.

Nothing was lighter than the moments we
shared. Your gospel words intruded my
ear: a folktale about a hole on the earlobe.
Someone had to fill it up, a sacrifice.
A thread of silk sprouted and reached
my cap. Hair obscured to reveal your
history and renew a part of it.

Earrings foregone,
your past foretold.
The aperture lured desire to drop by.
I listened to the mourning and yearning
the hole collected. The slit mystified the
contour of your left pinna.

Unblock the ear after it’s identified.
That’s the way an ear distinguished
a lover from the deaf crowd.