End of August, another attack of the menustral syndrome. I already missed my period last month, so I am less prepared today than usual. Perhaps driven by loneliness, I added back several people and deleted them all over again on my msn. There's one still remaining on the list - Mr. S. I guess I am tied to him as Boku is magneted to the ears of a girl he knows in Murakami's Wild Sheep Chase. He is always the one who could give me advice and talked about my academic path with me. He's really talented. Maybe subconsciously, I just want to be him. I don't, however, rule out any possibilities of jealousy hidden in the attraction.

He said something right. I just don't need to explain what I'm doing to the laymen. Sadly enough, I counted the people in my lives - 95% of them are laymen, so what can I do? I still have 1 year to go for my studies, after which I still have no idea what to do. To continue or to work? Mr. S said we have chosen the path of knowledge, which is very noble. Yes, it sounds grand, but it's also very lonely as well. One thing I am different from him is that he is really connected to the people working in the academia, media and the cultural hub. I basically know nobody. His talent is just at least 10 times more than mine. Maybe, his fate is better predetermined than mine as well. Looking back, being a 27 man, I still can't guarantee a better living for my parents. They have both done a lot to raise me as who I am. I just feel bad that I can't do anything much to return at the moment. If I am to go further academically, they may be dead already when I am able to secure their standard of living. By that time, only words of regret will remain forever in my heart.

It's a noble yet lonely path. How long should I keep walking? Frustrated.

Course to be tutored: Feminist Cultural Studies

Waiting for some news from Korea conference, Scope, Senses of Cinema and Xu Xi. Could the editors of scope and senses work faster? I am going to withdraw my submission anyway if I don't hear news from them within the first 2 weeks.