Little Miss Sunshine (2006, USA)
Directors: Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris
Running time: 101 mins

I like watching films and TV dramas about fucked-up people. They're especially humorous and witty and bitterly sweet. Six Feet Under, American Beauty, Weeds and I am glad that now I have Little Miss Sunshine on my list.

The film is sketpical about the contemporary American culture, which in many ways, the global culture. Yet, it's also a fucked-up culture: a father who is too obsessed with the idea of winning though he himself is a loser career-wise; a grandfather who is proud of fucking so many women and occasionally sneaks into the bathroom to snort some heroin; a daughter who is intoxicated by the beauty myth and dreams of the winner of a beauty pegeant; a son who refuses to talk until he enrols into the air force and draws the portrait of Nietchze; a suicidal gay uncle who is a well-known scholar on the French writer Marcel Proust.

Interestingly, the wife is the most normal person in the film. She is not uptight about her housework, not the kind of sad happy housewife we see in Desperate Housewives. She just smokes twice in the film - I smoke more than she does! So, she's perfectly fine.

It's an independent film and also another road movie. All road movies are about the road, from the starting point (Alburquerque, Nex Mexico) to the destination (California). During the course, the characters would have a Joycean epiphany (i.e. a recognition, an awakening). The film offers a chance for the typical dysfunctional American family to reunite their bonding among each other. The film is recommended - it's entertaining, quick, funny and unpretentious.

"Life is a beauty contest after one beauty contest". This is not original anymore. We, as adults, know that our lives are not any easier than the school days. We blamed our teachers for making our school life so hard, but we could not blame anyone but ourselves after we leave our dreary campus. The importance here is not 'contest', but 'beauty contest'. Everything is about 'visual' now. The New York Times earlier published an article saying a film degree is as worth studying as an MBA in any famous institutes worldwide simply because film studies allows you to analyze visual language, which bombards us every day. The daughter (Olive) is bombarded by the beauty of Miss America; the uncle (Frank) was depressed because his boyfriend ditched him for another nice looking Proust scholar with a Maserati. What is beauty? The film may offer an optional answer: family love. For me, I will leave Alan Ball's works to answer this question.

One thing I should take note of is the ending. The DVD bonus offers four more alternative endings, among which, there is a more crazy one, which talks about how the family steals the trophy and the crown of the beauty contest despite the daughter's fucked-up talent performance onstage. I personally would like this ending rather than the official one, which is too predictable, too safe and too neat.

My recent favourite song:

還好我懂得抬頭走
更不須人援手
直到我遺忘你那碗粥比親吻燙口
今天愛過你的日後成為誰密友
離合不講理由 甜密不必持久
多少情人日夜相處仍淪為朋友
天大地大並沒並多少快樂時候
來來回回寧願在你掌心中向右走
尋覓我未相識的摯友

人人都想有傾城之愛
似山伯英台　卻得到將來
人人都想有愛不完的愛
有天意青睞　但世上缺乏人才

"Shall I have to go away again,

leaving everything behind -

my research, my book?

Shall I awake in a few months,

a few years, exhausted, disappointed,

in the midst of fresh ruins?

I should like to understand myself properly

before it is too late."

Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea.

叱o宅組合新力軍: (金) Zarah (銀) 農夫 (銅) Project Early

叱o宅男新力軍: (金) 關楚耀 (銀) 杜汶澤 (銅)鄺祖德

叱o宅女新力軍: 衛詩 泳兒 (position not confirmed yet) (銅)胡琳

唱片: Human 我生 (古巨基)

唱作人: Most difficult category. Finalized later. Three out of these six: 軟硬天師 / 張繼聰 /張敬軒 /方大同 /梁漢文 / 王菀之

叱o宅組合: (金) Twins (銀) 軟硬天師 (銅) E02

叱o宅女歌手: 容祖兒 /何韻詩 (position not confirmed yet) (銅) 薛凱琪

叱o宅男歌手: (金) 陳奕迅 (銀)古巨基 (銅) 張敬軒 /側田 (not finalized yet)

This year's 叱o宅 results are very hard to predict, especially the 'bronze position' of all categories. I guess the top ten songs to date are as follows:

1. 愛得太遲 (古巨基)
2. 華麗邂逅 (容祖兒)
3. 小峽谷之1234 (薛凱琪)
4. 大大時代 (譚詠麟)
5. 光明會 (何韻詩)
6. 大愛 (許志安)
7. 愛你變成恨你 (吳雨霏)
8. 愁人節 (謝安琪)
9. 笑忘書 (張敬軒)
10. 好兄弟 (軟硬天師)

Uncertainty: Not sure if 903 will give the award to Alan Tam, if not, one of the following songs could appear on the list: 三生有幸 (鄭中基) / 紅綠燈 (鄭融)

Missing here for a while. My laptop broke down now and then in the past 3 weeks, owing to the curse of the octopus card I picked up in a taxi (which I used to buy 2 packs of Kent M3). I am not a digitial culture person: no MP3 (surely not MP4rrrrrrrrrrrrrr either), no i-Pod, no palm pilots, no blackberry, no PSP or NTS. But once my laptop breaks down, my life is so fucked up. I guess those cultural critics are right: we are all cyborgs now, we are so in debt to the machines, which not only form parts of our lives, but also part of our bodies. Anyway, my laptop is fine now, at least with my most important thesis backed up.

Another semester just ended and the new one would not start until 29 Jan. God - more than 1 month of time. Koa found a new job, which would occupy him more time, which means I need to be more independent (which I could, I guess) and I could do some reading finally. I also want a part time job, anything will do. I always fantasize myself working in a coffee shop and shit like that. Kind of charismatic and romantic. Anyway, I just finished the season 1 of Weeds, which surprised me a lot with the mean but witty lines. I also got myself two books (coincidentally both on existentialism): Paul Auster (same birthday as mine)'s Travels in the Scriptorium and Jean-Paul Sartre's Nausea. Maybe I should also go back to Beckett's Waiting for Godot and Camus's The Outsider if I have time.

People like me have too much time, too less to do. Wanting to buy a nice new jacket for the function that Koa asked me to go with him proudly as somebody of his, yet financial limitations are always with me. I have a bad habit that I can't get rid of - comparing myself to other people. I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it. My formal training told me that every individual is different and my mindset tells me that I don't give a shit to what people think. Yet, I still compare. I am going to be 28 in two months' time - I am still what I was. Hopefully, I will have one more degree by August 2007, which means I have 3 titles already: BA, PDipEd, and MPhil. Why the fuck would someone need 3 titles? Honestly, the current culture does not value this, meaning the people living in this culture don't either. I am fine with the way I suffice myself - yet my family and my partner are the one whom I need to support with my financial solvent. Speaking of work, god knows what the fuck I will do. Ask Susan Miller and Paddy Ching. My fate just has not got the signs for me yet.

Not being able to fit into the mainstream makes someone an outcast and the culture always thinks it is the outcast who has problems. That's why we have so many stupid self-help books in the market. Rule 1: don't read self-help books; Rule 2: burn self-help books; Rule 3: Write one if you wanna get rich as it doesn't take knowledge to write one.

28 - what will I be like when I am 28? I hope the people around me still admore me as what I am and remind me of this as well. I shouldn't be what I am not.

Koa sounded tired on the phone. SUM TUNG. I know you are doing your best. I love you.

屋雖細 有自由 不需品 懶擁有

家雖細 有自由 錢雖少 有溫柔

難道我走上露台賞燈 未察覺原來樓下有人
清高也有個價 唯有抽煙好

I was told to hold everything until 20 Nov. A few moments ago, when I was idling in the computer centre, I checked out Susan Miller again. She says:

"With many planets squaring off in fixed signs, every part of your life will require attention. Your boss, clients, family, or landlord, as well as your romantic partner will all want your primary attention."

I wish my boss could have said to me that she had read my stuff and would love to talk to me about it. Totally ZERO attention sought from any of the above, I'm such a transparent being in this world.

http://www.myheritage.com

http://www.myheritage.com

Post-Korean days

I have been back from my Korean trip for exactly one week today. My life underwent an unexpected change, which I could not foresee before I departed. I feel that my life is totally direction-less. October was a good month, which brought me so much good news about my work/studies. There were things I was occupied with and I worked on that towards some goals. Yet, after I've finished everything, I suddenly did not want plans anymore. No plans, no work, no class, no whatsoever. There are times I walk alone in the streets among the crowds, thinking where I should be heading. I figure out that my life is built up to a certain point, after which I am going nowhere. Pretty fucked up, reclusive life resumed.

ARTS in Gwangju Biennale - This should be what happens in our West Kowloon. Screw capitalism.

APWN (Asian Pacific Writers' Network) - Special Edition on Hong Kong writings. Check out the following sites on my selections:

http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/fingernails/
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/the_lunatics_penis/
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/hymen/
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/the_evolution_of_beard/
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/city_of_sameness/
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/writing/more/suicide_with_mcdonald_suk_suk/

Also, check out the Leslie Cheung poem, which I think is poorly written. I have no idea why people are so obsessed with this woman named Agnes Lam. Everything just flows over the surface in her works. There's no space for imagination either. She tells you everything and she does it in the plainest and most straightforward manner as one can possibly do.

Coming back from the Korean trip, I gave myself at least a week of rest, by which I mean totally no plans, no unvoluntary work, no deadlines and simply live the day the way I want, with coffee and cigarettes.

The trip was rewarding. Earned some money, ate some good food and met plenty of good people, who, I feel, could influence my future a little bit.

I guess the rest is a bit like post-travel syndrome. I skipped some classes and seminar, including the one given by Lin Xi. I got an email asking me to go back in the workshop session, not because my assignment looked good, but just that he thinks everybody who has handed in their work deserves a chance to keep their seats in the course. This means basically that he has not really looked at all the assignment, nor spent the time screening the best 30 candidates. His laziness is a bit disappointment to me, yet also turning me into a lazy student for a week. Laziness is catagious, I conclude.

I managed to get the English version of Tao Te Ching from HMV. It's on my desk. No one knows when I will flip the pages, as usual.

Finally, thanks a lot, Jason, for going to Korea with me. Your companionship has made the trip more fascinating and funny. I hope you also gained what you intended there. Good luck with your PhD proposal. I always back you up!

Crazy Bitch(es) - Cunts are everywhere
For fuck sake, could you just leave me alone.

Tonight, I received such an email from such a person. Could the world function once normally for me?

Dear Mr. Nicholas Wong, How are you? I am Sandy Lam, a private psychologist in HK. You don't know me yet. In fact I am a good friend of Vivian. Something went wrong between you and her. She told me something happened last week. So I want to solve problem for both of you. About Vivian. She only wants to be your good friend and I feel sorry that you dislike her. She is sweet and lovely and many boys like her (I know). Sometimes she just does what she loves. Please forgive her. According to my advice, she should not send any email to you as you're so furious. I know the whole thing is her fault. However you're not mature and unable to handle the problem. You didn't state your feelings and I feel regret that you can't speak your own feelings to her but only shout loudly. I hope you will discuss questtions or problems with your friends or family. I don't want to tell you what you should do.You can do whatever you think that is right as you're adult. I am forty and have two children. Sometimes my kids fight and I just let them solve the problem by themselves. You may call her to discuss any question or problem if unsolved. God bless you and wish you have a good life! Regards
Sandy Lam

This is my reply:

Dear Sandy
It's rather perplexing to have received your email concerning Vivian Siu, your friend. Since I don't understand why she needs to bring in something else to step forward to solve the problem when she is the whole cause of the problem, even though I understand that your ultimate aim is the so-called relationship would be 'at peace' from now on. I truly appreciate your kindness and motivation. Yet, there are a few things I would like to refute, or clarify, so that you would be able to obtain information from both sources rather than taking sides.
First, you stated that Vivian is your close friend and you are a private psychologist. I assume then that your expertise would help her not only analyze her problems, but also lead her to recognize she is the root of the problem. I am not sure whether Vivian is your client who is under regular therapy sessions carried out by you, or you just chat with her casually as a soul mate. However, I would like to suggest you should direct her to someone professional since she presents herself to me as a psychotic since the beginning.
Her appearance was rather annoying, irritating and I should say, a nuisance. Forgive my language if it is too provoking. She started off as a helper of a magazine that my friend and I were working. Yet I started receiving emails from her totally unrelated to the work business. I have asked kindly to stop, but it was she who chose to continue and induldge in her own fantasy.
The most provoking incident was that she intervened my personal space. She came to the campus and disturbed me during an academic conference in university. I was compelled to leave the venue and she simply stalked me, from Central to Causeway Bay, then to Wan Chai. My sister and father were there to tell her I was very upset being stalked by her and stated very clearly that I would not have interest in being a friend of hers. This happened this May - and I am not sure if she did tell you this. Her emails simply keep showing up in my mail box since then, and she even came to my university once to wait for me. She also dropped things I did not ask for into my pigeon hole at the department office.
In short, I have kindly warned her that her behaviours have caused me significant amount of annoyance and I would like her to stop at once. Yet, as stubborn and shameless as she is, she chose to continue. Respect is for people who have a sense of dignity. However, Vivian has just gone too far and trepassed my bottom line. Therefore, I chose to confront her in a rather violent way. There's no officially right or wrong way in this matter. She appeared and disturbed someone's life as she liked it. By the same token, I would just like to inform her my feelings in the way I wanted. I assume normal and mentally-healthy people do not approach people like her, by being a stalker and constant nuisance. I have my social life and she also has her own. Yet, when I refuse to incorporate her into mine, from your email, it seems that it would be my fault by not stating my purposes clearly. I did state my preferences clearly yet she rejected to admit them. I wonder on what grounds should I be submissive to this woman who came out from god-knows-where in this planet.
You also wrote that I am not mature enough in speaking honestly to her my feelings. It's really a sarcasm to me since my furious response, I assume, could successfully convey my feeling - that is, fury. She just did not get the kind of response she wants to get and there is no other worse reason for you to stand up for her to suggest that I should stay at peaceful terms with her. I would like to pass this message one last time through you, as her good friend. Peaceful terms are impossible, because I don't want to be related to her, or even to her friends anymore by any means.
There is no way I would call her ever again to discuss the so-called problems, because she is the ultimate origin of the problem. Sandy, could you not recognise it? If a stranger keeps stalking you and disturb your everyday life by sending you emails and giving you things you don't want. No matter how many times you have signalled your wish, she still stays and behaves in a stubborn way. Would you be such reasonable, still? I may sound like a kid to you; however, you are in position to question my maturity. On the contrary, by being a professional private psychologist, you merely hear the story from her side and make judgement This leaves me some doubts concerning your identity as a sender in the sense that whether you are giving her/me friendly advice or professional one?
If you are concerned about how upset and stressed she is when being rejected and confronted by me such vigorously, I guess you are also obliged to understanding the mental health of the person being disturbed - that is ME - professionally. I would not like to talk deep here on this topic since it's very personal matter. All I could say is that I am also affected. So, my question is: why do I need to be disturbed and affected by someone I entirely don't know and still need to reconcile? Reasons and respect are for people who make sense and comprehensible. I am just afraid Vivian is not one of them in my mind.
And I would like to stop here. I hope I could allow you to know another of the story and my true feelings. As I stated before, I would like her to leave me alone from now on. Therefore, would you kindly enough to pass the message to her. By 'from now on', I mean 'forever'. There is also no need for you to reply me once again to further explain things or even to correct my attitudes because I believe I only live up to myself and people whom I care about. Call me egoistic, if you wish. Shall I receive any more emails concerning Vivian Siu from whoever, I would talk to my counsellor in my university and since you informed me that you are also a psychologist. I guess I would leave the matters for my counsellor to deal with you professionally.
Best
Nicholas

Susan Miller的十月prediction真的很準. 她說水瓶座的人在這個月會很忙, 但同時亦在相當的回報. 誰想到十月一日就收到Karawane的e-mail, 說我那篇陳年村上春"樹"詩會在他們的十週年刊登出. 嘩! 開心不已!皆因連自己也忘記投了稿到那裏去. 回想起還是多得上次去了趟New Mexico, 從而得到他們的小冊子. 現在Karawane 已成為University of Minnesota的出版刊物, 雖然是本Student-run的journal, 但我已很高興了. 只可惜我不能參與一連串的相關活動. 期待十一月尾寄到來的complimentary copies.

Xu Xi 也終於回覆了我, 想不到她一拼吞下了我五首詩和一個短篇故事. 當同僚問起我時, 我也不好意思的告訴她真相如此. 可惜的是只是internet publication, 希望他朝有日會In print 啦. APWN Special Hong Kong Edition: New Writers.

尚有一個星期便要去conference了. 前晚收到了email,問我可否做discussant. 好驚呀!怕出醜. 出發前還是要做多些功課. 翻一下関於National 及 Cinema 的書, 但仍尚未收到那些要我discuss的papers. 卜街!快手D啦!!!! 最好笑也是那個叫June Lam的PhD, 做我Panel的Discussant. 真的不知她對Gender有何理解. 她喜歡在自己的blog post 論文, 成百鳩幾頁! 用下個屎忽諗嘢啦! 如此的品種也可以PhD畢業, 兼做Abbas的學生!頂! 人在做, 天在看. 還是那一句: Stupidity lasts forever.

十月就是這樣的忙, 好！但走之前還是要去看看杜琪峰的<放、逐>.

近來我再忍受不了一些蠢人, 為什麼硬要一些高智商的去遷就一些低智商的?

記得那次和Vivian Siu 吵架的十七分鐘內, 她有這樣說: 究竟你是否那些很低能和儍的那種人? 我聽了後說了近三十句粗口. 對於一些不make sense 的人, 我採用的態度會是: 鬧爆你!!!

現在的大學生是文盲的, 不喜歡看書但又要扮下知識份子, 那次tutorial要討論Women and Romance的関係, 事前已經叫每人準備一些東西, 那些女子, sigh, 一些說平時少看愛情小說, 其中一個就帶了中學時代那本簡化版的Pride and Prejudice. 若Jane Austen知道, 我想她也會破例, 有儀態的說一句: What the fuck!

近來的確有點失常, 做什麼也提不起勁, 睡也睡得不太好, 還是多得樓上的裝修師傅.

前幾天逛了HMV, 買了Julian Barnes的 Arthur and George paperback. 決定給這個作家多一個機會. 很久之前已讀過他的作品, 有些看得明, 有些則一頭霧水. 但心想他既是各大學Postmodernism的必教作者, 定必有些詭異之處. 就是這個不憤氣的理由, 便拿去九十元去買了這本五百多頁的小說. 不要問我幾時會看, 我的書在我家中是要排期的, 大慨這也十分香港吧! (但當中極有可能有書插隊, 這便是已鋪了塵的Margaret Atwood's The Blind Assassin). 我其實又有幾多時間看leisure reading? 我的論文己在遠處召喚我.

昨晚花了差不多四個多小時完成了林夕老師的功課. 因為我上週缺課, 要做些什么實在不知道. 但亦是出於不甘心的理由, 随手拿了些歌來把詞重填, 誓要入選最後三十人名單. 原本很想用Both Sides Now 填廣東詞, 但實在太難了. 填了四句已用了五十分鐘. 頭兩句是這樣的:

清早氣味似足你
而美得戴妃亦歎氣

後來是怎樣己不太記得了. 於是便再那另外一首歌來填. 我選了一首廣東歌, 希望用已有的歌詞去幫我把字的音調拿揑得準確些, 而arrangement方面又要夠moody, 夠戲劇性, 於是我便選了關淑怡的<進化論>. 效果不太差, 填得也比較爽, 雖然也有沙石, 但也頗接近我期望的後果.

孤寂 百年 問有幾多頁
春樹 化泥 挪威井裡堆
隨指尖去追朔 前生中幾次轟烈
無心不動 花瓣要摧
緊閉雙眼不再追

萬般苦寂 待拈花帶領
活色高潮 未及蓮花高超
你落泊嗎 未慶祝也罷
一生之差 在理解 豁去這個我

穹蒼虛幻 殞落於風沙
絕色花樣 眉毛濃黑一雙
你尚愛嗎 就要懂愛吧
呼吸一生 便叫好 死都不該有疤

春風尚不息 檢討我生
輕挑吹我的前塵
奇蹟未降臨 伊美交戰一世等
慧根不小心整理 出錯得很有可能
餘温欠過誰人 只怪身體不敏感


填完之後, 還是覺得有點對Both Sides Now不住的感覺, 於是便隨意地填上了國語詞. 是這樣的:

小時候說我不成器
只撒嬌愛吃巧古力
整天都呆着看電視
要學摺紙飛機

媽媽老了的長頭髮
雪白得閃爍會說話
永遠記得: 要快樂呀
照着自己步伐!

要不是她我不會走 我不會笑 也不會叫
長大的時候沒有說
說了不該說的 多錯

要不是她我不會走 我不會笑 也不會叫
長大的時候不懂愛
愛了不該愛的 很多

最後想說說對The Departed的感覺. 看後對馬田史高西斯的印象依然不變, 他永遠是和觀眾鬥長命, 鬥耐性. 我已經不恃着看過無間道的港人身份去看這齣電影, 但也是講得它很不濟. 除了cast大和多, 粗口也很多, 甚至比爛口的我和那些真的黑社會還多. 前半部故事很鬆很散, 完全沒有張力. 演員的表現也不是傳媒褒得那么一流, 最好的還是Leonardo, 其次是Mark Whalberg, 搶戲非常. Jack Nicholson只是一般, 有些刻意, 不夠自然, 我個人選擇還是Al Pacino. 至於Matt Damon,他可以收檔了, 那個角色換了是Edward Norton, 我想整套戲就會多了個可取之處. 最不知所謂的還是(冚家鏟)結局, 連Matt Damon也無謂地被殺. 誰是這種政治與道德正確的結尾? 這還是多此一舉. 美國影評人給了個A-, 以我的taste, The Departed最多也只可以贏過C+. 相比之下, 詭絲可好看一點, 沙石還是有, 導演不濟和成本不夠很容易給觀眾看出, 但勝在有新Idea. Scorcesse 和 Nicholson的提名, 我想可能是發夢吧！Leonardo 和Mark Whalberg 則比較有機會些, 前者男主角, 後者男配角. 人家Clint Eastwood 宝力未老, 越拍越好. Mystic River, A Million Dollar Baby 是上乘之作, 而你啦？ The Aviator and The Gangs of New York.........

人人都說期待Leonardo及Matt Damon合演的西版無間道, 我還是想聽他們合唱<無間道>多些.

Hair kills.
We also kill our hair, painlessly.
Every month I go to the salon and trim my hair. Is my hair part of my body or non-body? I assume for every single bit of my body, if removed, would cause me pain. Why would something totally incapable of causing me pain grow and attach to my head?
Cutting it even has a sense of 'coolness' inside. Listening to the sounds of the scissors and seeing how the blades tidy up the ends of my hair ease me with the feeling that I am organized, and at the same time, less disorganized.
Pulling one's hair is even more painful than cutting it. That's why I told my masseur. So, sometimes, it's better to get rid of things than holding it to prevent a potential pain from tormenting me.
Hair links. The tiny string of silk that links up the living and the dead (as in the film Silk) is a threat. It is a connection of revenge, hatred and love, always misunderstood and mistaken.
The hair is also the grotesque. It blocks the pipe and comes from a monstrous body with an ill-boned frame and a contourless face. It's deformed and damaged, yet it's exotic and erotic. It's foreign and familiar at the same time. It's not just hair. It carries more than ordinariness with it (see Nicole Kidman's coming film, Fur).
Hair and fingernails still grow after one dies. Hair outlives us. It last longer in this physical world than us. When our body stops functioning, the hair takes its victory and prolongs our sense of living in the world, though not noticed very much.

Current reading: Considering Alan Ball, (ed) Thomas Fahy. (MFC, 2006). I have turned to non-fiction and documentaries from fiction and dramas. It's hard to find a good fictional book and film now. When would I finish my chapter on the ear? It's the worst thing I have worked on. Fuck work.

Songs I wish to hear on 9 Oct, though I know the possibilities of some of them below are very low:

1. 戀愛盲 2. 三千年開花 3. 找我 4. 新聞女郎 5. 零比零
6. 九九九 7. 不愛就不愛 8. 重新做人 9. PG家長指引
10. 瀛寰搜奇 11. 性情中人 12. 錯先生
13. 流離夜雨...雨中花 14. 好朋友 15. 呼吸 16. 某月某夜
17. 零時十一分 18. 不願一個人 19. 501 20. 步步高

My gut feelings told me that he would sing....
One song of Danny Chan, or maybe a song of Ho CC... just my guess.

September is the dullest month - may God (not that I believe in his existence) take away this month from now on. I could detect the smell of autumn a few weeks ago. It was so pungent that I couldn't avoid breathing in the sad air. Nostrils are like ears, and unlike eyes, always open and exposed for invasion. Not that the air is sickening, but memorial, like the smell of your mother's pillowcase and the clothes one just gets back from laundry. It reminds people of events, in the past, with a certain sense of nostalgia in it. No wonder there are people covering their nose and mouth with their bare hands in streets.

I will be heading off to Korea in October. Probably, this would be the last academic trip in years. So going with someone I know would be a credit and it could put a supposedly wonderful end to my whole study plan these two years. I couldn't stop asking myself What's next? The future, my future, precisely speaking, becomes more elusive and yet daunting. Mid-age crisis, I would say. Doubts just accumulate, as debts. We all have detbs, don't we? It's just the matter of whether we have more doubts than doubts, or vice versa.

I started rethinking my academic goal these two days. I was stunned to discover (one can't lie to oneself) that I am bored with it, to the extent that I am rather fed up. Yes, I'm writing something interesting, yet how profound could it be? Or shall I ask Is it rightly written? Not yet, not soon. Would I be able to survive like this until the day I retire, let's say 60?

Going to class alone, and leaving the campus also alone. At home, sitting in front of the computer, either surfing on the meaningless websites, or writing my thesis. I finally submit myself to the whole theory on how machines alienate people in their everyday life. If lucky, there would be one movie night and two volleyball evenings per week (provided that the games are enjoyable and the film is not crap). Or I will be browsing websites of famous universities overseas to check out what departments and programmes they are offering, dreaming as if I would one day step my foot on their campus.

All these things happen in a cycle. Everything in life is just a cylce, very Buddhist. This is why my life becomes duller and duller. With all the things I need to write in my head, there's a chaos, a mess. My life is chaotically dull, and I become moodless, which I find is also a special mood at the same time. So now, I can establish moodless=moody. Whatever crap theory it might be.

Too lazy to go to a computer shop to buy a writing pad so that I can write my blog in Chinese. Yes, I am lazier to learn how to type my mother language. I bought a horrible aroma oil from Franc Franc, yet, I am too lazy to get a new one, which smells better. Laziness comes from moodlessness, which in turn comes from alienation. So many thoughts on my future, but so little things have happened to signal me.

Classics suck!!!

One mystery always on my mind: I really don't understand why people praise Hitchcock and Shakespeare like god. I've read and watched their works. I think they're tremendously tedious and the pace is far too slow. I grow up in a world where speed and efficiency count most. Such stuff, for me, is already not of my concern and interest. Same for other 'gods', including my forever hates, Jane Austen, Daniel Defoe, Jonathan Swift and many others.

Vertigo sucks. This is what I find on http://www.imdb.com:

There is nothing more to say. For me this is the best Hitchcock. I loved Psycho, Rear Window, North by Northwest, but this one tops them all. The story is so great and I almost can't say anything about it without spoiling it a little (What's so great about the film? The story could be told in 50 mins, but the director spent 123 mins to tell it). A couple of things I can say are that John Ferguson (James Stewart) is afraid of heights due a thing happened a while ago. He is asked to spy on the wife of an old friend of him. John once was a detective so he knows how to do that. The wife, played by Kim Novak, is acting a little strange lately so it must be in her benefit. Of course he falls in love and this is only where the story starts. (Injured and impotent policemen has always been a theme, even now. So what's so special about it? Falling in love with the subject is definitely a cliche) You will never be bored. (Sorry, I've been bored since the beginning) The acting from Stewart is good as always and Novak is great. Hitchcock does a great job with his directing, but that is something we all knew before watching the film.(disagree) There are some nice camera-tricks which I liked very much. The score by Bernard Herrmann also does a great job supporting the whole atmosphere of the film. This is one of the best Hitchcock's and you just have to see it. 10/10. (I give 1/10)

If it's not because of the course work, I would not even waste my time on this. Now, you wanna know my taste. This is what I call wit and wisedom:

Haruki Murakami: "The first time I did a book signing was in Princetown. Fifteen people came. It was [the] most peaceful hour of my life. I spent the time trying to remember all the train stations in Tokyo".

The British can always handle a light-hearted but warm romance very well. Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill, Love Actually, and this one, Imagine Me and You.

I first saw the trailer of this film back in February, in Alberquerque, New Mexico. I was the only person in the threatre waiting for Capote (or Good Night and Good Luck) to begin. The massive hollowness of the theatre and my personal hollowness (as usual) just made me feel much deeper for the film as it normally would.

I finally got a chance to see it tonight and I like it a lot. It's not just a film about love at the first sight. The beauty of the lesbian romance is the portrayal of how a person follows her heart to leave her husband and be with a woman. Nobody gets hurt in the end, and nobody wins. Just that someone falls in love and someone falls out of it.

It's sweet, funny and romantic. That's what I asked for. Everything in a British romance just appears too romantic in the film - the florist, the sky, the walls, the shops, the interior of a home and the exterior of the city. Yet, when you actually get there, it's not exactly how they appear on screen. Very strange.

I don't have a love life now, but I do have a 'like' life. I am still looking for my le flash.

The name of the film comes from The Turtle's Happy Together. Ironically, Wong Kar-wai's Happy Together is about a gay couple being unhappy together. Lesbian romance is always more romantic than gay ones. Sigh, gay men are just too melanholic because they always think about "imagine me and me".

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

I think I am going to be real busy up to the end of the month:

1. A Cock and Bull Story
2. Naked World (Documentary)
3. Sketches of Frank Gehry (Documentary)
4. Elizabeth I (HBO film)
5. Fabulous: the story of queer cinema (Documentary)
6. Kicking and Screaming
7. The Joy of Life (Documentary)

Shit, there is still no news from anything I am hoping for. 小產 again?

It's always fun to hang out with these ppl (including ah dam, ah ta, charles, andy, kevin, carol, maggie tb, ah ha). We always meet at different sorts of tables (drinking table, GM table and food table), we just say a lot of bullshit. But it's really fun. For many times, I have laughed into tears and could not stop. Those were the happy days. Even now when I am bored (usually in the bus), I will recall what we have talked and laughed about. We have our secret language and codes. Shit, I miss GM.

What's wrong with this little crazy cunt? Can't she just leave me alone? I think I should go to "DA SIU YAN". I'm gonna fight back this time. Too much tolerance for this piece of shit. She's really pushing her luck.

This is the latest email of her. She is just FUCKING INSANE!!!!!

Dear B, your new nickname/ do you like it? not mean you're low-B :) i think u have many things to do. e.g. write some poems / know more people / travel / movies to me, you seem forget something ....... 1. a clear target 2. a real dream to work for 3. try to do more to contribute yourself to the society 4. stop listening too many pop songs ~~ 5. never think too high of yourself. it's a common mistake. i can understand. but you should be mature & wise. appreciate others and learn from them. never think " i'm quite handsome / clever / attractive" etc. other people will think you're a naive / low-B one. so always keep in mind that " what can i do to express my real talent? " " do i speak something useful/ inspiring to others? " i just hope you will grow up and never be silly.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	3.6
Mind:	4.8
Body:	5.3
Spirit:	2
Friends/Family:	2.7
Love:	0
Finance:	1.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I guess the total score one can get in each category is 10.

Rate your own life at http://www.monkeyquiz.com/life/rate_my_life.html

The Lake House - Can time be really on time?

Adaptation is such a painful experience, and watching an adapted film is even more torturous. il mare is one of my all-time-favourites. The romance and the 'romantic' lies on the plot - how could two people falling in love with two years apart, without interacting with each other. It's a rather spiritual mode of yearning. It's all about romance in the modernity - all about alienation and most importantly - the possibility of allowing oneself to indulge into such an 'untouchable romance'. We all love the ones we could not get. Isn't this film saying exactly the same thing? Just that it talks about two people from two different temporalities.

The American adaptation sucks. It ruins the original mood and affect. The 'untouchability' is ruined and rewritten. Both films have a very nice 'lake house', of different achitectural and structural meanings. The Korean one is really built on the shore, serving as an end of a long walkway extension. The house has a name of its own - 'il mare', meaning 'the sea'. What is there is the sea is the horizon, which you can see, but never touch it. When you think you reach the horizon, it's not there, but you see another line ahead of you as another new horizon.

The American house is more pro-father. It has a tree planted in the middle. The father is the centre of the family, forever there, influencing the residents (his son). This is nothing special, but too obvious. "Are you crazy? That is a glass house. You have no privacy", one character says in the film. Yet, it's a glass house. You can see the view from within, but never touch it as well because you are separated by the glass. Also, who is there to watch you anyway? The privacy is laid out so clearly without any concealment. The only regret is that there's no spectators, very lonely.

The Korean one has more long shots. It is the setting and the art direction that shape the mood of the film. The American one just has too many close-ups (not to mention the sparkless acting and interaction between characters). Kate and Alex (Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) just talk too much to each other. They are visitors of instant chatroom who occasionally sending each other massive emails rather than people really living their lives with two years apart. The romance is technologized and globalized. The human touch is not more to be found.

The story is quite drastically rewritten upon adaptation. There are too many unnecessary and annoying characters. You see the film and you know who I am pinpointing. The most 'mysterious' is the ending, which according to the time theory, they would not have been able to meet. Kate is crying at the mailbox, hoping Alex can get her mail, thus escaping from her death. It is Feb 14 2006 in Alex's time and Feb 14 2008 in Kate's time. If t stands for Alex's temporal signifer, then Kate's is always t+2. So why could Kate, after crying, stand up, turn around and meet Alex? It does not make sense.

Kate knows Alex in 2006, so t+2 = 2006. In other words t = 2004. They would only meet when t = 2006 (t+2 = 2008). Temporally speaking the plot is flawless. Yet, Kate can appear in 2006 and 2008 at the same time because she is always two years ahead. The privilege of a person living in the present is the existence of him/herself in the past. However, one should question why Alex can trepass the preset t and t+2 notion to appear all of a sudden in 2008 in the end.......

United 93 -- A+

Oh, my god. When was the last time I felt there's a film that deserved an A+? May god know. The terrrorists who hijacked the plane sought help from God perhaps as many times as I do now. United 93 is a shocking, stunning and delicate film - all the merits should go to the scriptwriter and director, who happen to be the same person, Peter Greengrass (Bourne Supremacy).

Oliver Stone's World Trade Centre is also coming out in Hong Kong. When two films are done on the same materials, comparison seems inevitable. Yet, merely judging from the trailer of Stone's and United 93 (as a film - I know it's unfair yet I am pretty sure). United 93 would win many upper hands for a number of reasons.

The film is not about heroism and Americanism, which I believe are what Stone's film want to portray. United 93, as the name suggests, is a story about an airplane while World Trade Centre is not a story about the buildings (or twin towers), but about two policemen volunteering to rescue the people trapped in the building after the disaster happened. There is only one character in 93 - the plane and that's why all the passengers, crew members and even the pilots have no names. No one can remember what they are called (At least I don't).

(to be continued)

A relaxing Sunday morning - all about memories

What a rare thing to do on a Sunday morning. Having slept for just 2-3 hrs, I went to South beach with Adrian. There wasn't much sunshine (there wasn't much money in my wallet either), but just lying on the beach in the tolerable heat, reading "8 por" magazines is in fact quite a fun thing to do. He brought the latest issue of Men's Uno. I flipped it over. Gosh.

There was Mr. S. 3 whole pages on him. Youth and talent count most in our society. The article said he just got the blah blah blah award in the States for his composing flare. Wow. Brilliant. One day, I wanted the reporters to call me and have an interview of me. I dreamed on. Back to Mr. S, 這人已經升了上我的神檯, 我想我一世也會供奉他, 崇拜他. I am an athiest, but I'm always attracted. The seduction and lure of youth and talent is a very dangerous deception, one on the outside, the other inside. Song of the moment: Janice's 愛才. (last nite in M Bar, I thought about the question: should I be happy that a person 想識我, or 賞識我?)

Flipping a few more pages, I saw my ex-colleague in St Joe. God, what's wrong? I can't stand the way education as commercialized as such. It's ok to commercialize the school, but the teachers? Come on! Teachers are never good fashion models. Even if they wear Martin Margiela topdown, they only look like twats from the wanna-bes in American Next Top Model (male version). Everybody has their own goal. So long as they don't get into my way, I am fine with it (though I'll grumble on). There's an ad of Joseph Li, with the narcisstic photos of himself, about how his courses are scheduled in the coming school term. There are words: "Joseph Li and his PhD team". Fuck all those PhD. I would not want to work for such a shallow guy if I have a PhD. Knowledge is noble, but selling it by 'claiming' that you have it is cheap, very cheap.

It's Alfred's birthday today. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Alfred (from Ah B), Happy Birthday to you.

This should be the new course I will be tutoring:

CLIT 2014
Feminist Cultural Studies
Lecturer: Dr. Gina Marchetti
Year 2/3 Level / 6 Credits / 1st Semester / 100% Continuous Assessment After World War II, so-called “Second Wave” feminism ushered in a new era of cultural critique. In the United States and Europe, feminists looked closely at the established institutions of beauty, women’s work, motherhood, romance, marriage, and heterosexuality. Building on related radical traditions, socialist feminism, third world feminism, lesbian feminism, among other voices critical of the patriarchal order, began to be heard globally. This course looks at the feminist critique of culture from film theory and psychoanalytic studies to the feminist intervention in cultural studies, postmodernism, and queer studies. Topics covered include: the social construction of femininity/masculinity, gender and performance, the beauty myth, the myth of romantic love, gender outlaws, women warriors, melodrama/the “woman’s film,” and female emancipation in the socialist imagination. Examples include clips from Hollywood films (e.g., All that Heaven Allows, The World of Suzie Wong, Mulan), European cinema (e.g., Ali: Fear Eats the Soul), Hong Kong cinema (e.g., He's a Woman, She's a Man, The Mistress), novels (e.g., Shanghai Baby, The Woman Warrior, Hong Kong Rose, Foreign Bodies), new queer cinema (e.g., Boys Don’t Cry, Far from Heaven), socialist/post-socialist cinema (e.g., Salt of the Earth, Portrait of Teresa, and Woman/Demon/Human), feminist experimental film (e.g., Daughter Rite), television (e.g., Dallas, MTV), popular music (e.g., Madonna), and the theatre (e.g., The Vagina Monologues).
Selections of Chapters or Exerpts from the Following (subject to change):Ien Ang, Watching Dallas: Soap Opera and the Melodramatic Imagination
Judith Butler, Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity
Jackie Byars, All That Hollywood Allows: Re-Reading Gender in 1950s Melodrama
Michelle Citron, Home Movies and Other Necessary Fictions
Dai Jinhua, Cinema and Desire: Feminist Marxism and Cultural Politics in the Work of Dai Jinhua
Eve Ensler, ed. The Vagina Monologues
Molly Haskell, From Reverence to Rape: The Treatment of Women in the Movies bell hooks, Black Looks: Race and Representation
Sheng-mei Ma, The Deathly Embrace: Orientalism and Asian American Identity
Gina Marchetti, Romance and the Yellow Peril”: Race, Sex, and Discursive Strategies in Hollywood Fiction
Tania Modleski, Loving With a Vengeance: Mass-Produced Fantasies for Women
Laura Mulvey, Visual and Other Pleasures
Linda Nicholson, ed. The Second Wave: A Reader in Feminist Theory
Janice Radway, Reading the Romance: Women, Patriarchy and Popular Literature
Adrienne Cecile Rich, Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution
Gloria Steinem, Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions
Sue Thornham, Feminist Theory and Cultural Studies: Stories of Unsettled Relations
Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women
Mayfair Mei-wei Yang, Spaces of Their Own: Women's Public Sphere in Transnational China

End of August, another attack of the menustral syndrome. I already missed my period last month, so I am less prepared today than usual. Perhaps driven by loneliness, I added back several people and deleted them all over again on my msn. There's one still remaining on the list - Mr. S. I guess I am tied to him as Boku is magneted to the ears of a girl he knows in Murakami's Wild Sheep Chase. He is always the one who could give me advice and talked about my academic path with me. He's really talented. Maybe subconsciously, I just want to be him. I don't, however, rule out any possibilities of jealousy hidden in the attraction.

He said something right. I just don't need to explain what I'm doing to the laymen. Sadly enough, I counted the people in my lives - 95% of them are laymen, so what can I do? I still have 1 year to go for my studies, after which I still have no idea what to do. To continue or to work? Mr. S said we have chosen the path of knowledge, which is very noble. Yes, it sounds grand, but it's also very lonely as well. One thing I am different from him is that he is really connected to the people working in the academia, media and the cultural hub. I basically know nobody. His talent is just at least 10 times more than mine. Maybe, his fate is better predetermined than mine as well. Looking back, being a 27 man, I still can't guarantee a better living for my parents. They have both done a lot to raise me as who I am. I just feel bad that I can't do anything much to return at the moment. If I am to go further academically, they may be dead already when I am able to secure their standard of living. By that time, only words of regret will remain forever in my heart.

It's a noble yet lonely path. How long should I keep walking? Frustrated.

Course to be tutored: Feminist Cultural Studies

Waiting for some news from Korea conference, Scope, Senses of Cinema and Xu Xi. Could the editors of scope and senses work faster? I am going to withdraw my submission anyway if I don't hear news from them within the first 2 weeks.

Ok Ok Ok. That's the end of my teaching life. I hate spending my time with kids that have no hearts to learn. I hate those Band 3 Kids. Just trash. Sorry for being too mean. But they are nothing but trash. You may say I am not a good teacher, yes. I can only teach smart kids, and make them smarter. For those trashy ones, sorry, no one can help you. Your life is so fucking over. Form 1 kids who don't know how to spell: shoes, black, white, neck, front (do not know the meaning of 'in front of' and girl).... what have you done in the previous 6 years? Don't cry when you get your HKCEE results because you simply deserve it.

Original dictation passage:

She is a slim, middle aged woman of about 50. She has long, wavy hair. She is wearing a necklace and she has her hands clasped in front of her. She is neatly-dressed in a black and white spotted blouse and a smart skirt. She is wearing black high-heeled shoes.

She is average height. She is a teenage girl. She has fair, curly hair with a bow in it. She has her hands by her sides. She is untidily-dressed. She is wearing a dirty, plain tee-shirt, old, baggy trousers and a pair of sandals.

Look at the following dictation passage of a F. 1 Band 3 kid:

She is a sleep, middle-eged rm for
She has long hair, She is wearing a necklace and she has her hand caps in front of her. She is neatly-dressed in a back and wited sbteed. hang and a smant girl. She is wearing back Ih heeled shoes.

She is averes hates. She is avteivn girl. She has cveon awe hair, with blow and eat. She has her hands by her sides. She is unthird dress. She is wearing a dirty, play T-shirt, old, blgay chites and pandy of studos.

My comments: What language were you writing in? Terrible.
32 mistakes --> 32x3. The dictation received 4 points out of 100. Fucking TWAT!

Besides this fucking twat, there is another cuntishly stupid girl. She is such a quiet girl, so shy that she only speaks one word when you ask her 10 questions. Maybe she is deaf. This is her work. I will praise her for being creative in making a new era of education more challenging to teachers:

She is slime, middle-aged womam, about 50. She has long wavy hair, She is _____ a _____ and _____ her hans ____ in form fo her. She is ______ dresser, She ____ in a bark and wither ____. is a ______. She is _____ shoes.

She is ____. She is a ____ girl. Sha har ______, Clavy hair, with u with _____. She has her _____, She is undirty deresser. she is a _____, _____ Isiter. old, ____ and a hair of c_____.

After reading the following news, I can't help posting a new entry for two of my most hated artists in Hong Kong:

【東方日報專訊】關心妍(新聞 - 網站 - 圖片)（Jade）前晚和鄧麗欣(新聞 - 網站 - 圖片)（Stephy）為葉文輝（啤梨）的演唱會作綵排，Jade收到啤梨送的Melody卡通公仔睡衣，但她嫌款式太老土 (What a tasteless gift! But does that mean Jade doesn't think she's 老土????? She definitely is!!!!)，Jade不諱言偏愛性感的透視喱士睡衣 (No, thanks. You can give it to yourself!!!!)，更不介 意和啤梨十指緊扣唱情歌 (YUCK)。

中国女排 is over?
周苏红 has torn her lingament! Sigh... I guess the team could not make it to the top 3 anymore in this year's 大奖赛.

The following is my 名单 of the official players:
Setters: 冯 坤 宋妮娜
Spikers: 杨 昊, 李 娟, 楚金玲, 王一梅, 张越红
Libero: 张 娜
Middleblockers: 刘亚男, 薛 明, 徐云丽
Back 2: 李 珊

Just let 李 娟 and 楚金玲 substitute 李 珊.

李 珊 is lucky this time. Cherish the chance and stop being lousy!

Also, as I predict, the top 3 team of this year's 大奖赛 would be as follows:

Champion: Brazil
First runner-up: Russia
Second runner-up: Italy
Fourth place: China
Fifth place: Cuba

話事人 and Everyday Life

Johnnie To's Election 1 and 2 are stories about electing the 話事人 within a triad group in Hong Kong named Woo Shing Society. It seems that 話事人 is only concerned in the circle of criminal activities and underground gangsters; yet, it's not entirely true. In our everyday life, we can't escape from the notion of 話事人 as well. Anson Chan and Donald Tsang are both competiting to be the next 話事人of Hong Kong in 2007. Whoever wins or loses can't certainly be predicted; or does it really matter when most of us believe neither could possibly make a big change in HK. Not speaking about politics, we all want to, or need to be a 話事人 in some occasions as well, not that we need to be the 'person-in-charge', but it's all about us being the one and the only one.

When Big D (Leung Kar-fai-) proposed to co-chair the Wo Shing Society with Lok (Simon Yam) at the end of Election 1, he was hit numerously by a huge piece of rock. The same crisis also appears in Election 2, when Kun (Lam Ka-tung) proposes to sit for the election against Lok by the side of the lake. Both men exchanged glances and let the silence tell the audience to reveal the hidden tension. The message is obvious - no man would allow anyone to compete with them. We all want to be the one and the only one. Isn't love also about this as well? Who would allow a third person, or even more, in their relationship? I am talking about love, as the pure passion, a sort of committment, by excluding sex as the simply seduction driven by lust. Lust allows multiple participants - the more, the better (simultaneously, or not). Love, however, heads for the oppposite direction. We don't allow any competitors in our romantic relationships. We won't (and can't) literally remove them by making use of a piece of huge bare rock. Sadly, we have to admit that there's nothing we could do. Electing a 話事人 in any organization is always wrapped up with a result, an ending, by which one is elected to be the winner while the others will be doomed to be losers, who could not do anything anymore, but admit that it's in their fate.

One of my close friends has resumed his relationship with his lover after a temporary breakup, all because of the over-understanding and misunderstanding of a third person. Though they are now officially 'together' again, the hatred directed against the third person, the competitor of being the one and the only one has never gone. I am just tired of doing all the counselling since my patience has recently run dry in almost everything. I'd better save some time and energy on my own rather than lecturing others about their points of view, not to mention mine is not always justified. All we can do is: ask ourselves if we could possibly handle another 話事人 in our relationship. If such a person really turns up, could we dare to eliminate him/her like Lok in Election? If we can't, perhaps the only solution is not being a 話事人 ourselves as well. At this moment, a line from a song appears in my mind: "據講戀愛　都只不過是氣氛". We are engulfed in the romance for the sake of romance. The first person and third person are merely titles with empty meanings. 話事人 is also one of such titles. When you could extract romance (and power within a group or an organization), why bothers having a title? All titles are stigmata, for which a mad person would go for.

"Every lover is mad, we are told. But can we imagine a madman in love? Never." (Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse)

29/7 at PP
An unusual day. I woke up at 5 something in the afternoon, and started writing. I put off my plans of seeing a film with Sam, well for two purposes - slowing things down and to focus on my work. I wrote very smoothly and everything has started coming into shapes. I finished my work at around 1 something (AM!), then I headed for PP, with a mind still filled with the ideas and thoughts I was writing about in front of my laptop. Drinking and smoking - and eating dim sum. It's already nearly 6am. When I was on my way to go to 7-11 to buy a pack of Kent M3, I suddenly recalled what Shirley Kwan said in her concert video footage - "What about now?"
I thought of the meaning of what she said for a while. And I sighed.

A new film by the director of Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind.

The Science of Sleep:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/warner_independent_pictures/thescienceofsleep/med.html

I finally saw 鬼域 tonight. Sigh... I heard mixed reviews from some people around me, so I decided to give it a try. My comments? It has made the common mistakes that almost 90% of the Hong Kong (crap) films do - the director does not know how to tell a story: 說故事說不好. Acclaimed directors such as Wong Kar-wai and Stanley Kwan also have this problem. Most of the HK films only have a storyline, or even a concept, meaning they know what and when to start and what and when to end. Yet, what is between the opening and the ending is total emptiness. 2046: going to the future is exactly going back to the past; 桃色: mixing the human world with the ghost world and present the blend from the perspective of pornography, or seductiveness; Isabella: knowing a mature man by breaking the incest taboo. The concepts are all fabulous. Yet, remember, audiences do not just watch the first and last 10 mins of the movie. We need to stay in the cinema all the way through. I felt very uneasy when wacthing 鬼域. Reasons are as follows:
1. 李心潔 is a poor actress. Her acting simply slows down the pace of the whole film. She talks too slowly, with too much heart in every single line. She is reading the dialogues, yes, but the character does not speak at all;
2. Poor editing. In the abandoned world, most of the setting change are done by fading out, which means there is really no connection between them and the directors do not know how to transit from one scene to another;
3. Poor dialogues. If you rewatch the whole film again, you will realize 90% of the dialogues in the film are rubbish. They do not push the plot further. 劉兆銘 has asked 李心潔 to leave the abandoned world because it is dangerous for her. He requested as many times as 李心潔 repeatedly mentioned that she did not know how to leave AT ALL. But they still dragged on. 李心潔's daughter has declared twice they have reached the 'transit' in order to let 李心潔 go back to the human world. So, where exactly is the transit?
4. Lack of depth in characterisation. The only key characters in the film are 李心潔 and her daughter. The others... I am sorry. They should be eliminated from the editing room;
5. No Plot. I have troubles following the scenes after 李心潔 has taken the elevator to the ground floor. There are scenes after scenes fully decorated with digitalised visual effects, but why those scenes? I have seen enough of 李心潔's frustration in those scenes. I am, however, more frustrated than her. There are at least 30 mins in the film with no storyline, but just visual effects bombarding the audiences.

The climax (that the little girl is 李心潔's daughter) doesn't work for me. It's too obvious. The anti-climax works a bit. Pang brothers are too aggressive to imitate M. Night Shyamalan. Those who say 鬼域 can be compared to The Sixth Sense, The Unbreakable, Signs or even The Village, please read the scripts of these four movies and read the script of 鬼域 . I believe the script of 鬼域 does not have more than 25 A4 pages.

I have questions though:
1. I understand the things we abandon in this world will go to the abandoned world. The so-called 鬼域 , a dimension of ghosts, is just a dimension of things that we leave behind. Then, why would these things be recycled and suddenly disappear and be turned into ashes?
2. If the dimension is merely about abandoned things, including ghosts, or dead people who have no one to worship them, why are there walking spirits on the bridge and hanging zombies on the trees? How are they abandoned? Is it really Hell or a world of abandonment?
3. There seems to be two 李心潔s in the film - a fictional character and the writer 李心潔. If the happenings in the abandoned world are written by the author, why would the non-existing fictional character wake up in the bed of the real author and they can both each other?

P.S. please don't use 繾綣 anymore. It has been a cliche. Yes it was cool when 周禮茂 used these two chinese words to write a song for Shirley Kwan. But it was in 1992. I can't believe 14 years later, there are still people thinking that this term is romantic.
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Recently, I have absolutely no mood for anything. Writing: bad; volleyball: bad; pool/snooker: bad; communication: bad; sleeping: bad; tuition: bad; organization: bad; creativity: bad; temper: bad; singing: bad. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

All I do these days now is like 鄭秀文 in 我左眼見到鬼: "eating, drinking, sleeping and watching TV"

Today I decided to go out: wanting to eat at HO HUNG GEI, but I needed to share a table with two other men (who also came separately). I looked at their eyes. Weird change of gazes. At that point, I realized that people who eat out alone have strange looks. Then I went to GUM潮. I jumped into Joseph and Alpha (my two ex-students). They ate with me and then I convinced them to see the movie with me (even though I bought a ticket for myself already beforehand in UA Time Square - Seat I 2). We went to play snooker after the film. When I was having my most lonely times, there are always my ex-students with me. Is it a sign that I should go back to teach? I know I won't. Please don't make me do.

To Jason:
The quote is from an interview done by James O'Higgins titled "Sexual Choice, Sexyal Act"

J.O'H: I'm reminded of Cassanova's famous expression that "the best moment in life is when one is climbing the stairs." One can hardly imagine a homosexual today making such a remark.
M.F.: Exactly. Rather, he would say something like: "the best moment of love is when the lover leaves in the taxi."

1. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
2. Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
3. I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
4. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . .I want to achieve it through not dying.
5. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
6. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
7. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
8. Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
9. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
10. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
11. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
12. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
13. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend.
14. Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic ...
15. Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
16. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
17. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
18. The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
19. The only way to be happy is to love to suffer.
20. 'To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
    
    

ASAP

Just now, I had a conversation with a friend on msn. I asked him if he's dating. Yes, he said. Then he asked me the same question. I answered, 'As single as possble.' Another asap.

I was trying to clear up the websites I bookmarked on my browser. I discovered my sister's blog. She wrote an entry on my grandma on the day she passed away, a very touching piece. I didn't prepare to cry today. I did, anyway.

I woke up at 3 today because I stayed up to watch the whole football match the previous night. Then I hurried back to the library and did my research. Going into the library when the sun was still there and coming out in complete darkness always gives me a romantic feeling. It also makes me feel that I have worked for a 'whole' day. Then I went to a bookstore to buy a copy of Superman Returns for my student on Wednesday's tuition. Honestly, I prefer not to do it anymore. Going to his home for lesson just reminds me of the days I worked in SJC. What the fuck.

I was trying to call up some friends for dinner, none of them was available. In fact, I just called two. I gave up then. I am not the kind of dine-out-for-five-days-a-week person. I seldom eat out with my friends now. In the past, I used to call Atom, Tommy Lo or Charles. Now, I don't anymore. I don't know why. I did try hard to figure out what to eat alone in Causeway Bay. I gave up again. I just went to Sogo and bought a Japanese ramen and some mircowave curry potato balls (I don't know what they are called) and went straight home to cook.

People say I have many friends. Very wrong. Whoever says this proves that s/he is not my friend. I spend 80% of a week's time alone (including my bed time). The remaining 20% goes to family and volleyball nights. Waking up every day, eating alone, thinking of what to eat alone, when to see a movie alone, buying vcds to watch alone, sunbathing alone, swimming alone, shopping alone. The world seems to constitute of many dimensions, in each of which only 1 person lives all by him/herself. Seriously speaking, my phone could not ring for days.

The other thing I hate people say about me is: 'you are 花心'. Someone said this last week. I deleted him from my msn at once. Charles said I over-reacted, which I could not deny. But I was pissed off. Saying things to me as if you were not is another ridiculous thing in the world, similar to the fact that I needed to pay HK$240 to apply for the non-means loan from the government (why do we need to pay money to loan for more money? Doesn't the act that we applying for money signify that we don't have any more money?). Another person on my msn said tonight: 'I don't think you want a long term relationship.' What can I say? I simply replied: 'fuck off.' Go on to stereotype me. Whatever. I was clearing up my friendster and msn these days, deleting people by a number of criteria. I don't need such people in my life anymore simply because they don't need me at the first place. Usual chit-chat and meaningless conversations nearly fill up most of our time. I just can't afford any. In fact, there isn't any in mine. Maybe I do really scare people away.

July

My missions in July:

1. Stop spending money
2. Stop spending money
3. Stop spending money
4. Stop spending money
5. Stop spending money
6. Stop spending money
7. Stop spending money
8. Stop spending money
9. Stop spending money
10. Write the new chapter for my thesis - Will Self's Cock and Bull, in relation to D&G (Deleuze and Guattari's deterritorialization and reterritorialization of desire) and Ovid's + Kafka's Metamorphosis.

Shit. I need to give tuition next week. I don't know what to teach at all. Sigh. I don't wanna go back to the secondary level. Crying~~

In response to Kerr's lastest xanga entry (I tried to leave a comment there. After I typed in everything, I realised I needed to have my own xanga account. Stupid):

As I always believe, Kerr, Time is never on time itself.

We, as human being, like other incidents, are always either (too) early or (too) late for the right moment of time, simply because time itself is never on time. Time, in this sense, is both the first and third agent to make things happen. For something to take place, an agent and an object are necessary; the time that comes on time is a catalyst and the ultimate circumstantial factor. That's why we have a thing called timing. Time, as an agent, is different from time, as a concept. How many times have we said that Nicholas is not really Nicholas, or Kerr is not acting like the Kerr I know. We, as beings, may act different from what we are supposed to have been. There is a presupposition and a verification - to be justified by the actions of the present in comparison with our memories of the past.

Time, in this way, will also deviate and misbehave.